Common interests

I used to think that the kind of woman I'd like as a wife was someone who had interests in common with me. I think this is what most people are looking for.

Other people think that it's better to not have common interests. These people feel that it's better to do different things because that way they will have more to talk about. But I don't see how you could have a meaningful conversation with your significant other about something that they are not particularly interested in. I have also met a few people whose marriages failed because of different interests. Face it, when you both are off doing different things, then you two are more likely to come into contact with other people who will threaten your marriage.

But while I think that having common interests is a good thing, I now believe that it's not quite as simple as that. I think it's a better idea to have a combination of: the same "social interests" but different "skill interests".

What do I mean by social interests? Anything social that both of you enjoy doing, and which enables you to spend time together. For me, it's dancing. I would like to meet a woman who enjoys dancing as much as I do. For other people it might be sports, or bike-riding, etc. I think that for the majority of people, those who do things together stay together. I know of several real-life examples.

On the other hand, you are better off with someone who has different "skill interests". These are activities that you have a talent in and enjoy doing by yourself. Some examples: cooking, working with cars, gardening, computers, etc. While these things can sometimes have a social aspect (you might attend a computer convention or a gardening expo or whatever), exercising these skills gives pleasure even when done as a solitary activity. If you feel that you need the presence of other people in order to enjoy some activity, then it's probably not a skill interest. For example, I don't consider cooking to be a skill interest, because I only gain pleasure from it when there are other people in the kitchen as well. If I'm cooking by myself, then it's a chore.

So the idea is that when a man and a woman come together, each having a different set of 5 skill interests, then they are bringing a total of 10 different skill interests to the table. If on the other hand they both had the same set of 5 skill interests, then they are only bringing 5 skill interests into the marriage. The more skill interests brought into the mariage, the less the need for expensive outsourcing.

When looking for a potential wife or husband, I don't think it's a good idea to go to those places where people usually go with the aim of meeting single people, such as bars. Chances are, you won't meet many with similar social interests. In fact you might meet people who are wont to lie about their interests, just as job interviewees do. The best way to meet people is to just do the things you normally enjoy doing, and eventually you will meet someone you like. If they're there it probably means that they like being there and are enjoying the activity, ie. they are not faking. It will also give you an opportunity to observe them and their interactions with others, which can be useful clues in determining their marriageability.

However this doesn't always work, and my own case is a good example. I enjoy folk dancing, but it's something that only old people do. The average age of the folk dancing community is probably 60. I'm an anomaly there because I'm considerably younger (34) than most people there. There is more I could say, but I won't right now because it's not the right time.

So if you're not having success in your current social activity, you might have to try a different social activity to see if you can expand your list of social interests. Thus I tried african drumming and newer forms of dancing. But even though I enjoyed these activities immensely, I still felt a bit alone in these communities, so for me they weren't really "social activities". So I gave them up and went back to folk dancing.